One Tequila Two Tequila Red Tequila Blue Tequila
by Acacia4
Summary: A seventh year Ravenclaw gets a little tipsy and heads back to her room alone one evening. She doesn't expect to find a certain potions master waiting for her outside her door when she gets there. Please R&R. No sexual content....yet.
1. One Round With Jose Cuervo

"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila -" and with a slurred yelp and a dull thud, Hess Maddigan hit the floor. It was almost two o'clock in the morning and she and her three friends were all wasted. Hess couldn't remember much of the evening, but what she did remember was that it involved too many drinking games and an entire bottle of Jose Cuervo.  
  
The problem with Hess' current situation was that she was all the way up in Gryffindor tower in her friend Jess' room. Jess was a prefect, as were Hess and the other two ladies present this evening, and had a private room at Hogwarts. The major dilemma lay in the fact that Hess belonged in her room all the way down on the first floor beside the large atrium, in Ravenclaw Dormitory. Marlena belonged on the third floor, in the Hufflepuff Dorm, and Helena belonged in the dungeons in Slytherin. How the three of them were going to find their ways through the maze of corridors and winding hallways and manage to avoid teachers was beyond them. But, then again, that was part of the fun of ladies night out.  
  
Each month the girls got together with a different bottle of liquor. Last month, September, had been vodka, and after that evening Hess had seriously considered giving up ladies night after returning to her dormitory, just missing Professor McGonnegal on the way, and then throwing up everything she'd ever eaten in her life for the next day and a half.  
  
But here it was, the last week of the month, on the cusp of Halloween, and she had again found herself in the very same dilemma. So, giving in to her fate, Hess gave a disjointed moan and hoisted herself off the comfortably cool stone floor and slowly took to her unbalanced legs. The three girls bid farewell to their hostess and left, each at five minute intervals, for their respective beds.  
  
Hess was the last to leave, peeking her head out the door into the dimly lit corridor and then venturing out of the sanctuary of Jess' bedroom and into the unfamiliarity and hostility of the hallway. She felt like a Vietnam soldier, hopping off the plane into the battle weary jungle. She took off her shoes, which had a bit of a heel on them, and therefore made a clicking sound with each step she took, and let her bare feet slap against the cold floor. It felt amazing given that she was having hot flashes thanks to Senor Cuervo.  
  
She had made it about three quarters of the way to her room - she could see the torch that burned just outside her door from where she stood, when she made the mistake of allowing her hubris to get the best of her. She reasoned that since she hadn't met with a professor at this point, and since she was so close to home, the chances of meeting one now would be fairly low. Had she heard of Murphy's Law she would have checked around that fateful corner before she turned it, but she hadn't, and so she didn't, and what was waiting for her there was more terrible than meeting McGonnegal or even Albus himself.  
  
He stood, his arms crossed and his chin resting on his chest, leaning against a wall and breathing heavily. She stopped short and froze, like a deer in the headlights, so to speak, and just looked at Professor Severus Snape standing guard twenty feet from her bedroom door.  
  
"In-fucking-credible," she said to herself in a voice lower than a whisper. Then she backed away back round the corner and took a moment to reflect on what she had just seen. He must have been doing his rounds and decided to have a little slumber party right there in her corridor until it was time for bed check at three. Her mouth was covered, and her nose, to prevent any noisy breathing, and she was getting desperate. All she wanted was a toilet and a bed, preferably in that order, followed closely by a long deep sleep. She had been planning on missing breakfast and lunch tomorrow, as it would be Saturday, and Saturday is always a day for sleep.  
  
Deciding finally that there was no way around it, that she was going to have to take her chances with the dragon guarding her room, she mustered all her courage (which happened to be a good amount, as alcohol is a disinhibitor) and swung herself around the corner. To her shock, and then to her dismay, Severus was no longer sleeping but roused and looking around to see if anyone had caught him asleep whilst on duty.  
  
He started and looked at her. She started, dropped her shoes with an ugly clatter, and returned his stare. Both stood there, awestruck and open- mouthed. Then, at the same time, they began to speak.  
  
"Professor Snape, I -"  
  
"Miss Maddigan, I -"  
  
Both stopped and waited a split second for the other to continue. Snape, being a teacher, quickly took the opportunity to reestablish authority and took superior charge of the situation.  
  
"Miss Maddigan. I thought you might be coming back from another one of your 'ladies nights'." He was drawing in on her and preparing to take her twiggy arm in his paw-like hands. "The obvious slur in your speech indicates that I was correct in my theory."  
  
"I'm not dru-"  
  
"Save it, Miss Maddigan. The reek on your breath is enough to condemn you. Come with me, you're -" Snape had begun to drag Hess along by the bicep and only stopped what promised to be a very long winded speech about the responsibilities of being a prefect when he felt her arm jerk and heard a sickening crack as some part of her collided with the floor.  
  
He turned to see what had happened and ascertained the situation immediately. He had been dragging her along with such fervor that she hadn't had time to collect her shoes which had clattered to the floor during the earlier part of this altercation. She, being tipsy to begin with and out of control of where she was going in the second place, had tripped over the heal of the left one and landed face down on the unforgiving stone floor.  
  
At first he rolled his eyes and began to chastise her for being fall- down drunk, but when she didn't move or make any reply whatsoever, he began to get nervous.  
  
"Miss Maddigan, kindly remove yourself from the floor and follow me." No response. "Miss Maddigan." Nothing. His gut dropping to his toenails he noticed that a pool of red was growing around the mess of golden hair that had fanned out around her in the fall, staining the hair the color of very expensive wine.  
  
He stepped forward, his breath becoming a bit more shallow than usual, and knelt on the ground beside her. He placed one surprisingly gentle hand on her shoulder and rolled her over onto her back to assess the damage.  
  
It wasn't as bad as he had anticipated. The pool of blood hadn't been as huge as it had at first looked, and as it turned out she had only split her lip, bit her tongue open, and gotten a nosebleed, though the nose did not appear broken. Her eyes were closed. She must have passed out during the fall at some point.  
  
One thing was certain. He couldn't leave her here for Dumbledore to find or both of them would be in very serious trouble. She for being drunk and out of bounds after hours, he for handling a student far, far too roughly. With a sigh of frustration but not of strain, he picked her up as if she weighed less than a kitten and began to walk as stealthily as possible down to the dungeons. Funny, he mused, how he had become the sneak in this situation.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~  
  
Snape managed to find his way down to the dungeons without incident. Once there he made his way straight to his private office. He could have used the potions classroom, he thought, but he had much fresher and much higher quality stores in his office than in the classroom, and he also had a much more comfortable sofa on which the girl could lay while he fixed her up. In the classroom she would have been resting atop his desk.  
  
He opened the door to the office with his wand, both his hands being tied up carrying Hess, and lit the candles on his desk in the same manner. He then made his way quickly to the sofa in the corner of the room and laid her down gently upon it. The impartial observer would never have known that this man that treated Hess so tenderly now was Severus Snape.  
  
He left her on the sofa and went into an annex that lay behind a tapestry of a lion - Leo the lion - and returned with an armful of vials and drams all filled with different colored liquids. In his hands also was a clean cotton rag used for first aid purposes.  
  
He laid his burdens down upon a table to the left of the sofa and then sat on the edge of it, pushing her leg over just a bit to accommodate his rump. He went to work, then painstakingly cleaning the blood from her face and then dabbing astringent on the wounds. For her tongue he was able to perform a simple stitching spell that he had learned in his mandatory magical first aid class that he was required to take before becoming a professor. For the nose, he was able to stop the bleeding, but he remained puzzled as to the cause of the bleeding. He could find no break in the nose, nor any tearing or abrasions. He made a mental note of it and reminded himself to drill her on it before he allowed her to leave when she woke.  
  
He waited all night, reading and worrying, for her to wake. When she finally did it was nearly five o'clock in the morning. 


	2. Revelations

"Have you not been informed of the detrimental effects of drinking alcohol," Severus asked as Hess squirmed and wiggled on the sofa before him. She nodded uncomfortably. "And are you not aware that you are to be setting an example for the rest of the students in this school," Severus asked with more of an edge to his voice. What was her problem, this girl? He decided to continue with his lecture and attempt to ignore her annoying gesticulations. "I hope you realize that you have been saved from the truly embarrassing and humiliating experience of being reprimanded for your actions by the Headmaster himself." Again she nodded frantically and pleaded with longing eyes for him to hurry and let her go.  
  
"What exactly is causing you to behave so wildly, Miss Maddigan?" He leaned forward and clasped his hands together in front of him on the desk. Her tongue had been swelling slowly and it felt about the size of a basketball in her mouth, but she attempted to answer him anyway.  
  
"Mahidqionvdios."  
  
He furrowed his brow and leaned forward even more. "I'm sorry, what was that?"  
  
"Mioasidfhigoieowias."  
  
"Yes, well, the shepherd's pie was rather tasty at dinner this evening but I -" A frustrated groan came from her side of the room and she dashed over to his desk and tore a sheet of parchment and a quill from the top of it, scribbling the words "claustrophobic, small office," across it and standing up straight, pleading even harder with her eyes and her frantic pants.  
  
He took the parchment and quill from her, giving her a confused look before reading it. His eyes grew wide as he realized what was going on and exclaimed, "oh," rather more surprised sounding than he had hoped, stood, and opened the door to the office for her to exit. The two stepped out into the corridor, Hess stumbling under the weight of her still present intoxication and gulping at the air.  
  
"Better," he asked as gently as possible, though still sounding gruff and uncompassionate.  
  
Her eyes were still darting around her at breakneck speed and she was still breathing rather quickly, but her heart had slowed a bit and she was beginning to get her bearings back. She nodded her head and leaned against the wall, cooling her cheeks on the stonework. She held up her index finger and thumb about a half an inch apart to indicate that she was feeling a tiny bit better.  
  
"Well, I hope you don't think that this little display will get you off the hook quite so simply. You've still violated several school rules this evening and it's only fair that you do some sort of penance for it."  
  
Hess rolled her eyes toward the ceiling and then fixed her gaze back on Severus, asking without saying a word what he expected her to do.  
  
"Since we would both most likely find ourselves in bad odor with the Headmaster should he find out about this little incident, I suppose I'll need to find something for you to do under my own supervision."  
  
Hess held her hands up to her shoulders, palms up, as if to ask "well, what is it then?"  
  
"I am a very busy person with many constraints on my time." Hess rolled her eyes as if to ask whether he was aware that his head was highly inflated. "I could use some help marking papers, keeping order in the potions classroom, that sort of thing. I shall ask you to present yourself to me each evening at seven o'clock to assist me. For the remainder of the term."  
  
Her eyes grew as round as saucers and she looked as if someone had just murdered her puppy. This was ridiculous. Since when did getting caught a little tipsy turn you into someone's slave? She opened her mouth to protest and remembered that her tongue was betraying her at the moment. This angered her even further, as it was Snape's fault she couldn't speak to begin with. She settled for a disgruntled growl and a crossing of her arms across her chest, putting a look on her face as if to ask, "is that all?"  
  
"Do we have an understanding?"  
  
She nodded her head, looking put out, and asked with her eyes whether or not she was free to leave.  
  
"Your nose was bleeding tonight," he informed her, ignoring her agitated huff. "There were no breaks or abrasions upon my inspection, which leads me to believe one thing. There is irritation inside the nasal passage. You haven't been picking it raw, have you?"  
  
Hess scowled at him and crossed her arms even tighter, avoiding his stare now and rolling her eyes. All her weight was settled on her right foot.  
  
"I didn't think that was it. So what else could it be?" He was thoroughly enjoying drawing out his theory because he could tell she was becoming annoyed. For some reason, and he had no idea why, he thoroughly enjoyed watching people squirm. Especially his students. "These," he went on, pulling a silver razor blade and a length of thin black tubing out of the lining of his cloak, "fell out of your pockets whilst I was carrying you down here."  
  
Hess' eyes regained their wideness and she refused to look at him as she made a desperate lunge for the two incriminating pieces of evidence. He snatched them back, out of her reach, and took her outstretched hand in his own, enveloping it. Her hand was freezing to the touch and trembling, as well.  
  
"I have to confiscate them," he told her as gently as anything he had said that evening. "Believe it or no, I'm not entirely out of the loop when it comes to things of this nature." He gripped her hand more firmly, even though she was trying to pull it away, and drew her closer to him. When she was near enough he took her other hand in his free one and squeezed. He bent his head down to try and make himself seem a bit more compassionate, more attainable, more able to relate to. His voice became soft as the velvet of her shoes and he seemed to drop all pretense and façade at that point.  
  
"You are such a brilliant girl, Hess," he told her with honesty permeating his voice. You have such a future ahead of you. You're kind and loyal, and so - so beautiful. Why gamble it all away on the risk of getting stuck on this?" His eyes seemed to search her for a reason and, finding none, he went on. "I know it seems as though I've no right to counsel you on something like this. I'm sure you think I have no idea what I'm talking about. But trust me, Hess, I do. I honestly do. Take it from someone far more experienced than yourself. These things do not bring happiness. They only bring apathy, selfishness, greed, and eventually, despair. You're too good for those."  
  
Severus looked down into her eyes, searching for any hint of acceptance of what he was saying. Finding none he dropped her hands and waved her off in the direction of the stairs toward the main hall. "I will see you here tomorrow evening at seven. Dismissed."  
  
Hess turned and cruised along the wall, her hand supporting her against it as she walked down the corridor in a stumbling, dismantled gait. Severus watched, his hands clasped behind his back, until she turned the corner and disappeared from sight. He bowed his head a moment in thought before turning and re entering his office and shutting the door behind him with a quiet click of the latch. 


End file.
